I’m not in the best place right now

I know it’s been a while since I’ve posted here. I’ve renewed my subscription for this, so I guess I should try to make the most of it.

But it seems like a few things have changed since I last posted several years ago. In January.

Doesn’t that seem like a lifetime ago? Two lockdowns later, and all I want to do right now is to be able to go to bars and restaurants without fear or judgment. At least some restaurants around me are still doing takeaway, and as a glutton (including for food, not just punishment), I must do my part to keep local businesses going.

But I’m not in the best place right now. With the office closed and restrictions on movement, I’m feeling incredibly isolated. And after months of FaceTime and Zoom and what have you, I’m exhausted. So I sleep a lot. Not only is sleep something I’m decent at, the more I sleep, the less I have to deal with the real world.

I don’t want positive reinforcement right now. It’s not going to help. Right now, I want to be miserable. I’ll be fine, but right now, a lot of positivity is coming across as toxic positivity to me.

And if anyone says that we all need to make sacrifices or that others have it worse — fuck you. Just, fuck you. It’s been a long eight months of making sacrifices. If me getting tired of this leads you to become self-righteous by telling me I need to make sacrifices, just fuck right on outta here. I’m allowed to be tired of this, and I’m allowed to say so.

I do want to return to blogging, because I do enjoy this venting and ranting. I’ll even be funny at times. But for now, I’m not in a good place, and that’s okay, and you don’t need to take any actions to save me. I just want to be miserable right now. And that’s okay.

Just thought I’d provide an update.